alex_gd_4

im so glad i dont have a love life right now.
i mean yeah, i do love having someone to love.
but right now, i am content with myself.
i have myself to keep me happy.
i do things that make me happy like
sleeping in
hanging out with friends
playing video games
surfing the web
making movies
etc etc

this whole year has been nothing but a mess
a horrible chapter of my life
but i am so glad that all that's done with for real now.
yeah i still think about it all every now and then
but its doesn't get me down anymore and i love it.

i am getting my life together and enjoying the best years of my life.
i cant wait to move out and i cant wait to move next year
=]
life is indeed very good now.

things are goooooooood
:D

well there you have it Alex, the truth.
hurts doesn't it?
yeah it does.
all i want to do is punch a wall, scream at the top of my lungs, ball my eyes out, and never wake up.

im not going to act like a tough guy.
"oh okay, fuck you then, go fuck yourself, i don give a shit, i don't need you, blah, blah, blah"
because the truth is im not a tough guy nor do i want to be.
yes im hurt.
oh so terribly hurt.
but at least i know the truth now.
i wish i could have known sooner, but this will suffice.

its not that i need you.
and
its not that i depend on you.
i just really wanted you back.
i just really wanted to feel your love again.
but
there was only so much i could do.

now im not going to put my self down with words like
"i guess i wasn't good enough" or "what am i doing wrong" and stuff like that.
and
im not going to put you down with words like
"your such a bitch" or "how can you be so heartless"

no.
we just aren't compatible anymore.
we used to be. oh man how we used to be.
but now ever since we broke up, we have grown up faster than ever.
maybe our roads might connect again, or maybe they wont.
but until then i will live my life not for our memory, but for my memories.
this is my life and i have devoted too much of it on you.
now its my turn to explore, experience, and learn.

no more

girls
relationships
love
likes
flirting
kissing
or anything that falls into the category of Falling in love

for a while.
i fucking hate it all.

Friends only from now on.

you are so cruel.
i have thrown away so many good things to have you back.
you're so fucking stupid.

what i did tonight is the fist and last time ill do anything like that.








i just cant help but to think how you can fucking sleep at night.

god i fucking hate this.

it is oh so hard...
i just want things to go my way for once..

that time of year is coming again.
my favorite time.
Christmas.
im starting to see all of the holiday commercials .
and i love it.
i just wish this holiday season would be just like last years.
=\

YouTube it.

She's done with playing Jesus
She's gonna need a friend
I don't wanna stay here
Cause I know how this will end

She had another falling
She knows just what to do
Just like Sid and Nancy
I will be bleeding after you

Dead n gone!
Like a sad song!
Baby hold on!

Dead n gone!
I can play along!
Baby so long!
Dead n gone!

She's done with playing Jesus
She knows just what to do
I don't wanna stay here
I will be bleeding after you

D-d-d dead n gone!
Like a sad song!
Baby hold on!

Dead n gone!
I can play along!
Baby so long!

Dead n gone!
Like a sad song!
Baby hold on!

Dead n gone!

Just to lay here and light turned
Just to hold it in
But if blood can lie then...

I don't need your love!!

Dead n gone!
Like a sad song!
Baby hold on!

Dead n gone!
I can play along!
Baby so long!

Dead n gone!
Like a sad song!
Baby hold on!

Dead n gone!
I can play along!
Baby so long!
Dead n gone!

I cannot stay I cannot play along
Dead n gone
It's so called ruined just like a sad song
Dead n gone!
Why do we stay why do we play along
Dead n gone!
It's so called ruined just like a sad song
Dead n gone...
Dead n gone...


ihatehowincrediblystupidyouare.

im right in fucking front of you.
what the fuck am i doing?
what. the. fuck.

life is just supposed to go on....

at least im trying..

im stupid.

i shouldn't have answered.
but if you think about it, what are the odds of that?
i think things that aren't even close to your thoughts.

getting a move on with my interest in filming and production!

http://www.youtube.com/user/insurmountableFilms#p/a

:D

i feel like i cant explain it all.

im not used to this.
thats for sure.
i dont know how you do it.
is it because you have experience?
experience in heartbreaks, to where its easy for you to just walk the other way?
i dont know.
i dont mean to put you down, or talk shit about you.
but im not experienced.
not. at. all.
i can promise you one thing.
there is not one day that i dont think about you.
not one day passes by where i dont stop. look at my feet. close my eyes. and picture you smiling.
its hard. it really is.
you were the best thing that ever happened to me.
and now you are the worst.
i hate saying that, but its the truth.

now here we are.
both very much apart.
me filming. you doing hair.
our lives now separate.
its been what?
9 months, give or take..
9 months since we truly had each other.
but hey, whos counting anyways?
heh.


i just had a conversation with my mom while we took out the trash.
"i miss her mom.."
"yeah, i was wondering when she would be brought up again"
"i do, i really do. i haven't talked to her in weeks. there isnt a day that goes by where i dont think about her."
"yeah i know the feeling.."
"what?"
"remember jeff? not one day goes by where i dont think about him. he was my first love. i think about him everyday. i dated him in 1985 and i still think about him. he broke my heart just like she did yours. shit happens."
"yeah, shit does happen."'

how i wonder...

so hard not to miss you.

lets begin with thursday.


thursday was the 69 eyes show, and it was nothing less than amazing.
i got to meet them, talk to them take pictures with them and sorta dance with one of them :P
it was a perfect night.


now friday.



mallorys toga party was a blast!
it was incredibly fun, i enjoyed it a lot!
happy birthday malloryyyy!!

and finally Saturday.


Zombiecon!
it was pure awesomeness and i loved every single second of it!
Eric, Luke, Eliie and I
aka
Bill, Francis, Zoey, and Louis!
running through the zombies and doing skits.
we filmed it, and it will be up soon!



i need more weekends like this!
P.S. all of these pictures and more are up on my myspace/facebook!